@ImKevinito: Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he's homeless.
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@TheCatWhisprer: They call cat people crazy but we're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.
@CindyMeakin: What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet.
@EndhooS: [describing criminal to sketch artist] He had the damp chest of a man with an excessive lisp. He was eating a newspaper.