@ImKevinito: Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he's homeless.
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@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
@Fickle_Filly: Colleagues who feel the need to say "You either love me or hate me!" are oblivious to the fact that it's always the latter.
@HatfieldAnne: If you've ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.