@zachreinert03: Just saw a woman getting 'running lessons' with rubber bands & a head gear. Pffft, I could've taught her for free and with only a chainsaw
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@MakesYouGiggle: Netflix: Are you still there? Me: <in bed, potato chips in hair, dirty pajamas, no makeup, cats surrounding me> Do you really have to ask?
@Midgetspar: I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, "I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."
@ericsshadow: My son asked why some mommies and daddies live in different houses, so I sat him down and told him the truth... their kids complained about slow WiFi and never went to bed on time.