@Shock_Monster: Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
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@Bahstonlady: Babies make for the worst pets ever, I try to explain to all of the expectant mothers at the grocery store.
@murrman5: [shows up late for first day of new job] *blames it on rush hour* [shows up late for second day of new job] *blames it on rush hour 2*
@hazelmotes1: Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Perfect weather tonight. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Butterflies taste with their feet. Me: Fair enough.