@mrjohndarby: Just seconds before we make the jump to light speed the captain nears my console to check my calculations. I minimise solitaire just in time
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@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile. I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.
@JackoSims14: Her Tinder profile: I love hiking, riding bikes, long wa-- Me: Sounds like a lot of doing stuff. Next
@truegritrumble: ME: *falls off the wagon* THE REST OF MY CARAVAN ON THE OREGON TRAIL: Phew. Finally.
@Faceyspace: HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE.