@Tuna_Lover: Just spent $243.57 at the grocery store so the check out girl didn't think I was just buying KY and condoms.
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@OfficialMizGin: Annoying guy trying to hit on me: This is like a scene from a romantic movie. Me: Yeah, I’m the iceberg and you’re the Titanic. #Queen
@samalmightysam: Why couldn't the Mayans just make a calendar full of naked women like everybody else?
@kumailn: Doctor Who. He can travel to any planet during any period but mostly ends up in places that look like present day England.
@laurenmacdonald: Americans should be asking Santa for better presidential candidates and nothing else.