@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
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@AmishPornStar1: I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.
@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
@Probgoblin: I run down a hospital corridor, clutching the mustard dispenser I liberated from the cafeteria. Earlier I had a plan. Now I have mustard.