@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
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@bfrosty04: I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control. ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.
@carlawh: Yes, I DO think "did you bring my pizza?" is an acceptable answer when you're in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door.
@KingRainhead: When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like "You're Doing A Great Job"