@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new diet where I order Wendy's salad and then eat all my kids' fries.
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@novicefather: [1st ppl to go camping] wife: what do u wanna do this week? hubs: luxury cruise? w: no h: nice hotel? w: no h: pretend to be homeless w: YES
@BadJordon: I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.
@iwearaonesie: "Don't put it on my plate if you don't want me to eat it!" - me to my kid, who's crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate
@Adam_Kingsnorth: Well doctor, my problem is basically this: when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.