@DanMentos: just taught my 3yo to sing "if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands" and then laugh at the people clapping
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@ObscureGent: Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone.
@outrrracheous: Remember: You don't owe anybody anything. Unless they killed someone for you. Then they probably deserve a nice gift card.
@WittySassBasket: Cop: raise your hands Me: ok, but if you looked down you'd see the same thing C: ma'am? M: they're right there C: how high are you? M: yes
@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.