@scottdedalus: Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?
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@d_duhwit: Neighbor: Hey I'm sick of your dog doing his business on my lawn. Me: Ok, sorry. *Walks over to my dog's lawn lemonade stand* Hey, I told you it has to be on our lawn.
@revious: My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole
@Kyle_Raney: Subway Guy: Enjoy your sandwich Me: You too! Subway Guy: Me: Me: *gives him my sandwich* this is yours now