@scottdedalus: Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@WeissBrandon: Cop: FREEZE, DON'T MOVE!!! Me: *stops moving* Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me:... Cop: NOW! Me:... Me:... Cop: for the love of god...unfreeze
@stevevsninjas: Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.