@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.
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@aksorojas: I just discovered that first aid kits do not include slices of pizza in it and I feel so betrayed.
@sad_tree: *shows up to date with horse drawn carriage* "I'm so surprised!" Yes it's a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn't have thumbs so
@KalvinMacleod: GOD: I call this Tupperware SATAN: remember when I let u crash at my place and u said u owed me one G: yes S: make the lid a little smaller
@Browtweaten: *God invents corgis* God: what ingredients do we have left Angel: uh, a meatloaf and some pig feet God: lol check this out