@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.
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@1followernodad: the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks
@BlindChow: "I want to put a baby in you," I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.
@ermahgarton: bae:come over me:The Incredibles is on tv bae:my parents aren't home me:it's limited commercials bae:i need u me:he can't find his supersuit
@Eric_Bader: If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be so pissed.