@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.
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@SufficientCharm: GOD: Let's give her ALL the awesome. "But what if it's TOO much awesome?" GOD: Then we'll divide it evenly between multiple personalities.
@BurbidgeJames: "If you started at 16 and work until you're 23. That would give you 10 years of experience." Back to school for you My friend!
@causticbob: Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere.
@aspaul: I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.