@Tbone7219: Just took my girlfriend to the movies and now I'm $10,000 in debt.
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@ChipKellysBalls: I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
@TwatWaffler69: Wife: "they're disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!" Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?
@themafinch: My obituary: She died in the shower, dancing away from a spider that was really just black sock fuzz.