@TheTweetOfGod: Just updated My Facebook status from "Single" to "In a Trinity". #wayoverdue
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@oolah: If you replace phrase “Americans think” with “Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think” it all makes so much more sense.
@HatfieldAnne: Me: I weigh 10x more than the cat and yet she trusts me completely. So sweet. You: Me: You: It’s a lot more than 10x. Me: Don’t ruin this.
@robesman: in 2016 if i walk in to your place and ask for the wifi password and you give me a paper with 26 letters and numbers i'm leaving
@alyssawolff: *sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl.