@TheTweetOfGod: Just updated My Facebook status from "Single" to "In a Trinity". #wayoverdue
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@Darlainky: A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, "Well, we were separated at birth."
@QwertyJones3: Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?