@bluebayoubyyou: Just used the "f word" over on FB so I'm waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
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@GlennyRodge: Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.
@BeardedRambles: Relationship status: Fumbled with a key for 5 mins trying to get it to fit into the lock the right way. And I kinda moaned when it slid in.
@AndRyanTF: You ever watch a really stupid person for like 10 mins and wonder how they haven't been hit by a train or carried off by a giant eagle yet?
@KKAlThani: "Good evening, I will be your waiter for tonight. What would you like to Instagram?" - how waiters should greet people