@jakob_huber: Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
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@thepunningman: "As CEO of Tortoise Enterprises, this merger with Slug Corp is... Linda, where is everyone?" "They all called to say they're running late"
@lisaxy424: Cute skinny girls wearing weird mismatched clothes: hot quirky hipsters Me wearing weird mismatched clothes: homeless lady from the 80s
@beisswrandon: If he says "you're 1 in a million" it means he either has no knowledge of the world population or he thinks there are 7000 people like you