@jakob_huber: Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
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@ElleOhHell: "The new iPhone 6 is bigger!" Meh. "It has more sensors!" Pfft. "You can block group texts." I WOULD LIKE ONE THOUSAND OF YOUR IPHONE
@LindaInDisguise: Google search history: -double chin reduction exercises -double chin plastic surgery cost -double fudge brownie recipe
@NurseMurderer: This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."