@ScottyBondo: Just walked into my local court house, they were all sitting around in a circle with black candles and robes trying to summon a jury #funny
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@JoParkerBear: MOM: How are you doing? ME: (drinking what may be 2-day old coffee) Amazing! MOM: Really?! ME: (stepping over dead body in kitchen) SO good!
@Beyerstein: Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time.
@hellohappy_time: To hairstylist: [makes series of incomprehensible gestures around my head shape] so exactly that or I’ll cry