@slyoung5: Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
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@Lola_Areola: Four year olds can't even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
@Parentpains: My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen.