@ChaseMit: Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop.
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@ElizaBayne: Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
@GeauxSaints79: Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:...
@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
@protolalia: My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong.