@JohnLyonTweets: Just watched The Hobbit: The Battle to Stay Awake for What Felt Like Five Hours.
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@krisv_723: *At hospital visiting a patient. Pulls emergency cord in bathroom* Nurse: What's the emergency ma'am? Me: This toilet paper is on backwards.
@MyHairyLife: If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.