@ValeeGrrl: Just when you think parenting can't be any weirder, you find yourself consoling your son, upset that he can't get a squirrel to hug him.
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@michaelianblack: If countries don't want revolutions, they should stop putting large public squares in the middle of their cities. So stupid!
@mrjohndarby: me: what kind of dog is that? him: husky me: sorry, *deep raspy voice* what kind of dog is that?
@trojansauce: [about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair