@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
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@decentbirthday: me: i have test anxiety classmate: it's okay, jesus has answers jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D
@jazmasta: [speaking to an attractive lady] "How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!" "Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"
@Mimiification: When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.