@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
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@ericsshadow: My wedding anniversary is next week. Does anyone have an idea for a gift that conveys the sentiment 'our love is priceless' for under $75?
@SteveSuckington: [talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello
@missokistic: Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.
@iGreenMonk: Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.