@LizHackett: Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed.
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@Coops_Bradley: Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
@goulden_eye: Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. LOL just kidding it was double homicide.
@Coolisiana: *saves baby from burning building* "How can I ever repay you?!" Favstar in the bio "Oh I don't have Twi-" *returns baby to burning building*
@_b1p0larbear: Thinking about kids? My son poured syrup in every floor vent. 11 years later it still smells like waffles every time the heat comes on.