@ibid78: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. No closer. Become one with your enemy. You're now your own worst enemy. Don't freak out.
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@roostermustache: Obama:*sits down and whoopee cushion makes fart noise* what th- JOE Biden:*tears in his eyes, points at trump* HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE
@AimeeHelene1: I just said "bye - bye" when I ended a phone call, and now I'm debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess.
@TCsSideBitch: *standing outside your house I was totally going to stalk you but... *pets your dog instead
@jakob_huber: Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough