@ibid78: Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. No closer. Become one with your enemy. You're now your own worst enemy. Don't freak out.
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@somelightcrying: I'm a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There's a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start.
@Tommytoughstuff: [getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wonder if the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday sales realize there are online sales too.