@JT_IV_: Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster.
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@CatsForDinnerz: Opened a can of expired beans and an eagle flew out carrying a photo of a can of fresh beans. I nervously ate the photo while he observed.
@InternetHippo: Me: I am a taxpayer. I pay your salary. You work for ME Waiter who’s refusing to bring me extra rolls: None of that is true
@lucky_300: Her: I want to travel the world in the new year Me: I can see the whole universe in your eyes.. Her: I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD OKAY.
@BlindChow: [breakfast in hell] STALIN: Toast is burnt POL POT: Eggs are rotten HITLER: I hate the juice STALIN: Oh here we go HITLER: I said JUICE