@JT_IV_: Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster.
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@L_W_Headphones: My date spent all night telling me that she loved Bad Boys - Then seemed disappointed when we got back to mine and I put the DVD on.
@carlyken: Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]
@AlfKilledMyCat: Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I'm suffering from their laziness
@KeetPotato: [music club] what should we play today [hand goes up] yes joe? "banjo" all those who wanna ban joe raise their hand [everyones hand goes up]