@amydillon: [kicks in your door to apologize to you]
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@tchrquotes: Student: I want a bunny, but my dad says bunnies just die. Me: So? You're going to die, and he had you.
@MikeCanRant: A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
@HughGoesThere: [adoption agency] Caseworker: Think you're prepared to be a father? *I perfectly execute the detachable thumb trick* CW (taking notes): Excellent.
@64spoons: Call me a hoarder if you want but don't come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.