@TheThomason: Kid, if you don't know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don't deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn't cry.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.
@BuckyIsotope: [deathbed] Son….come closer “Yes dad?” We need a new man of the house “I’d-” *presses fake mustache into his hands* Give this to your sister
@internetluke: [Joseph checking in to hotel] "Is there WiFi?" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* "Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"