@AbbieEvansXO: Me: I am so mad that people show so little respect to- Him: yeah yeah women I know relax I respect women Me: *was going to say Hufflepuffs* women, right

@BBQJones28: Family cookouts are spent telling me to "stop...don't say that"

@Slygirl08: *Really attractive person waves at me in their car*-*I wave back enthusiastically*-*realizes they were just putting their visor down*

@huntigula: [at aquarium] "Kids, the blowfish is named bc of its cheeks" BLOWFISH: [taps glass] actually that's a common misconception, got any cocaine?

@HIGHzurrer: Well. That's not a good sign.