@myles_morrison: Kids having the best time ever sound exactly the same as kids being axe-murdered.
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@TheMichaelRock: Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times.
@1KelliBelle: Me: promise you won't show anyone? Him: promise *sends pics H: that's pics of fruit snacks M: you said you wanted pics of my goods
@Sickayduh: Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him
@TheHyyyype: Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30.