@Danny_McH2O: Kids, no one will ever understand you like your high school love. Get pregnant and marry them right away. You know better than everyone.
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@FeelsLike2sday: Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls
@DamienFahey: I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
@AcceptableLoses: Met the daughter's new boy friend. Grabbed his crotch and whispered 'looking forward to tonight's three way'... And that is that.
@NakedHangover: Yelling "shotgun" when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office.