@goldengateblond: Kids today don't know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
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@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: talk dirty to me ME: I've been wearing the same underwear for weeks HER: no, I mean- ME: I drink my own bath water
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: We need to go to the store. We’re out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We’re out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*
@skitzoette: As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."