@MummsThaWord: Kids want a dog, told em I can only keep 4 things alive, them & the plant. If we add a dog something will die & I cant be sure its the plant
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@thinkingparsnip: *sitting bolt upright out of a dead sleep* PANTS MADE OUT OF EGGPLANTS CALLED AUBERJEANS
@realHamOnWry: *unexpected snow fall* Americans: “It’s the end. The apocalypse is here!” Canadians: “Huh…I might need a jacket"
@Ms612: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?