@goldengateblond: Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.
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@: Me: Did you throw your carrot-sticks in the grass? 3yr old: No, the crow did it Me: You know you must always tell the truth, right? Fibs are bold 3yr old: *points out window Me: *See's crow stealing and flinging carrot-sticks in the grass 3yr old: It's nice to say sorry.
@WordUpBitch: The second I feel pressured to do something, I'm out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it's bath time.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
@NoFlipFlops: Sit next to stranger on park bench, hand over envelope with random person's picture, whisper "It has to look like an accident", walk away.