@goldengateblond: Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.
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@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
@Marl_TheBean: I like my men like I like my books; easy to read and waiting for me in bed. ... And does the dishes. Ok this isn't working