@iAmDelFreaky: ~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want

@MakesYouGiggle: Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication.

@Prof_Hinkley: [commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware

@SpankMeIm0ty: At the rate I'm throwing shit out as I pack to move there's a strong possibility not all the kids will make it to the new house

@idigcrazychics: *feeds a horse 1 pound of weed *rides off into sunset on my high horse