@Quartzjixler: Grooming tip: Cut your toenails every 2 to 24 weeks whether they need it or not.

@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?

@1Bad_Scientist: Draw me like one of your French Fries.

@ArfMeasures: [Throwing a ball for my dog] Dog: I'm not wearing the gown though

@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.