@slimmy_shady: Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting.
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@1Bad_Scientist: Boss: I'm sorry but we have to let you go. Me: Really? That's not what these pics of you and your secretary said. They said I need a raise.
@iQuoteComedy: If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.
@robyn_vo: I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.