@croninwhocares: "Know what, son? We should do all of our miracles before cameras exist." - God
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@SteveSuckington: "Sorry my phone died" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened
@wittwitbarista: *text message* Cat: Slave, I'm missing a box. I had 2 & now I have 1. I blame the dogs. Find it. Me: but I'm at work. Cat: find it.
@NolaChef504: If a drunk falls in the woods and no one is there to hear him, why did I go camping?