@croninwhocares: "Know what, son? We should do all of our miracles before cameras exist." - God
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AmandaDuberman: Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.
@sip_at_home_mom: Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling "Ta-da!" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it.
@JediGigi: To avoid another embarrassing moment like when I was stood up on prom night, I always keep at least 1 penguin around.
@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda