@NikiWithIssues: Knowing is half the battle. The other half is choosing the right pokemon.
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@buhsbaby_baby: When my dogs crawl into bed with me, I like to pretend it's because they love me and not because I am sleeping in their dog bed on the floor
@WritePlay: *date* GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs? LOBSTER: That's like the third time you've asked me that.
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
@AlexvanBeek: Murder is like art, as long as you can bullshit your way into justifying it, someone out there will be like "oh yeah, I totally get it."