@pmann555: Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
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@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"
@Contwixt: If I was a witch I would cast vague and subtle spells. So and so never gets to see a rainbow again. That type of stuff.
@jakob_huber: "Still upset about earlier?" Yeah "So you knocked over a few spaghetti boxes at the store. No big deal" I WAS A WORLD JENGA CHAMPION, SALLY
@preritpathak: People on Facebook Nowadays: *Clicks pic while sipping coffee* *Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am* WTF?