@markhoppus: Kylo Ren is so tortured because he can’t decide if his final form is supposed to be goth or emo.
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@cluedont: I was just about to go and remind my neighbour to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there's no need.
@Distracted_Dad: 3: [in bedroom] *refuses to pick up toys* [at playground] *picks up three cigarette butts, a band-aid, and half a dead bird*
@FilthyRichmond: People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don't worry about it!