@BroIsMeeeee: Ladies call me the mitochondria because they kinda remember me from high school and i'm in a cell
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@Reverend_Scott: ME: I wish for a third dog to pet. GENIE: you're seriously wasting these wishes- ME: I DON'T REMEMBER WISHING FOR YOUR OPINION
@nice_mustard: when super mario bros. was released in russia it was much less popular under the title "you are toilet man fight turtle monster"
@KenJennings: DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON "Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?" This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON
@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(