@JesKeepSwimming: Ladies, if a guy tells you "Leggings aren't pants," tell him "You're welcome."
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@GorillaNipples1: Me: *quits life and moves into a pillow fort* Them: You need to live in the present. Me: *covers fort in wrapping paper*
@BookishBunny: At this point most of the hugs I'm involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin.
@HenpeckedHal: I learned two things today: 1) my mother-in-law is coming over for dinner 2) it takes me 1 hour 47 minutes to get home from work in idle
@TeaAndCopy: Punctuality is important. It's the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and arriving late to find he's already done it.