@TheMichaelRock: Ladies, if he leaves the stickers on his hat, that's his way of telling you he won't pay child support.
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@iinkedZombie: Kids these days think Christmas is all about getting presents instead of celebrating the birth of Santa Claus.
@internetluke: [finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?
@LuckoftheDraw86: Either I just stepped in dog shit or the stench of my parent's disappointment has started following me around.
@squirrel74wkgn: I know this is only our second date, but can I use your bathroom real quick? Her: Of course... *walks out 26 minutes later* Thanks.