@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
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@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
@SaveItForFest: You see me wildly flailing my arms. Did I: a) Walk through a spider web? b) Try to wrap something in Saran wrap? c) Try to use Scotch tape?
@LoveNLunchmeat: [deathbed] Son, your online girlfriend, how closely cropped are her pics? -Just face, Dad. She's very modest She's. A. Dude. *flatlines*