@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
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@AbrasiveGhost: [Meeting] CEO: as u can see [points to graph w laser] we- BUSINESS CAT:[comes flying across table & just crashes right into a photocopier]
@AimeeHelene1: If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me.
@BookisherBunny: When life hands you a komodo dragon suddenly the times you got lemons seem pretty cool.