@JVarsityCaptain: Ladies, wonder if he's busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
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@jazmasta: My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching "How I Met Your Mother" with her.
@Matt_The_Fist: I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
@charliedelta7: One day, someone will call me sir without adding "I think we're going to have to ask you to leave."