@Vice_Queen: Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene except it's me throat punching you for trying to eat my food.
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@Discourt: My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting.
@AtticusFinch79: [face to face with a serial killer] Me: So this is how it ends. SK: Kill you? In this economy? I just needed to borrow a cup of sugar.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Jews name their children after their deceased loved ones. This is my son, Healthy Sleep Pattern. He was born on January 21st, 2017.