@jordan_stratton: Laser hair removal? Uhhh, why would anyone with laser hair ever want to get it removed?
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@aveuaskew: Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
@WilliamRodgers: "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing...Watch you smile while you're sleeping..." Aerosmith = Romantic Me = Restraining Order
@HallpassCanada: The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn't seem to be having the desired affect.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.