@jordan_stratton: Laser hair removal? Uhhh, why would anyone with laser hair ever want to get it removed?
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@specialsquid: "Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."
@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
@TheMichaelRock: Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard.