@wilnettleton: "Last Christmas" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?
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@ClichedOut: [about to post] Social Media Police: Is it reliable Me: Yes SMP: Source? M: I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend SMP: Proceed
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: This milk is 30 seconds past due, time to throw it out. Me: This milk is lumpy. I need a fork.
@LizHackett: My parents are happily celebrating their 50th anniversary. "That will be you and me one day," I quietly whisper to the gym membership I can't cancel.
@brendohare: A nation cheers as Bigfoot is finally found. "We just yelled his name," said the head explorer. "Can't believe no one thought of that."