@wilnettleton: "Last Christmas" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?
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@iwearaonesie: the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
@ceejoyner: wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us
@Jake_Vig: HER: I think we should see other people. ME: I don't. We're awful. We should leave other people alone.