@LMLMadness: Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
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@sarah1mc: I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something.
@juliussharpe: I hate when my congressman emails me to "take action" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something.
@GabbbarSingh: The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the c**kroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.
@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*