@TheDrunkStory: "Last night I was so drunk I replied to my own text"
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@bornmiserable: a fun thing to do when someone enters the elevator is to calmly say to them "I was murdered in this very elevator exactly one year ago"
@jackiembouvier: I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes.
@darinlovesbacon: If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way