@TheDrunkStory: "Last night I was so drunk I replied to my own text"
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@mstluvstrinkets: What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
@rachelle_mandik: i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
@honeybadgerMel: I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone.