@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
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@lakeanagirl: I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
@TheBeerGuy73: Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming? ROFLMFAO! JK! Lolz Ttyl KK Ur BFF, Hannibal ~ Hannibal Lecter discovers text messages
@JessObsess: Him: sex tonight? Me: Work put me in a bad mood Him: tomorrow? Me: I have a headache tomorrow
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*