@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
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@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.
@FattMernandez: Walk like an Egyptian is a song, but also a sure fire way to make it safely through a bad neighborhood.
@RandomAntics: we should be using all the time technology frees up to expand language, not shorten it. instead of 'prolly' try 'probababably.'
@ojedge: [red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]