@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.
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@WilliamAder: I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.
@GrowlyGrego: I have an extensive library of over 2,000 classic, important books just in case you have a question about the first 54 pages of one of them.
@toomanytoes: Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard.
@thinkingparsnip: BRUCE LEE: Be formless, shapeless, like water. HARPER LEE: Things are never as bad as they seem. PARSLEY: I am a stalk vegetable.