@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
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@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.
@tehaveragejoel: make your life more efficient by cutting out the middle man. quit your job. kill your friends. throw your food directly into the toilet.
@ShitJokes: My friend keeps saying, "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.