@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. "It's not you," he said, looking around. "It's them."
@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.
@_MoonWinx_: 32 is taking me to dinner, 29 is taking me to a concert, & 26 is taking me straight to bed. I don't have kids, did I do that right?