@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
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@dsmitty62: Today is "bring your dog to work day". I thought it was "bring your dawg to work day". So now DeShaun has to leave. Sorry dawg
@shkeeber: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you work in the alzheimer's wing of a nursing home, then you get lots.
@T_N_Crumpets: Judge: how do you plead? Me: [looks at lawyer] Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"] Me: hot milky L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
@iAmJuddy: My coworkers think it's funny they have power & I don't. I think it's funny how they won't get home to enjoy it cuz their tires are slashed.