@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
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@ChrisStokdyk: "PSST." It came from my waffles. "PSST," again. "What?" I ask, furtively. "You look really nice today." Complimentary Breakfast
@theflipgod: #WorstWaysToStartALoveLetter What started as a simple prostate exam, has blossomed into something special...
@dreamthievin: One time I swallowed an entire box of Alphabits whole and the only thing I pooped out was the lyrics to a Nicki Minaj song