@weinerdog4life: Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you.
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@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
@PeaceInTruth1: Telemarketer: Good afternoon, Sir. Me: Do you walk with a limp? Telemarketer: No. Me: Want to? Telemarketer: Thank you for your time.
@CMHorrocks: These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Isn't she your girlfriend? Me: No, No, No, I broke up with her two days ago. She just hasn't checked her voice mail yet...