@just1fool: Last time I went to the doctor he prescribed constipation medicine to clear up my earwax. He was right about me being a shithead apparently.
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@protolalia: You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
@Di0nysus7: He asked what I like in bed so I was honest: 1. My dog 2. iPhone 3. Blankets fresh from the dryer 4. Take out
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?
@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.