@KentWGraham: Latest election news: Donald Trump narrowly leads Hillary Clinton by 4 lies.
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@murrman5: [catching breath at friends house] I was being chased by a bike cop so I threw up a left turn signal but actually turned right and it worked
@pleatedjeans: [Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD
@desi_princess: No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration.