@KentWGraham: Latest election news: Donald Trump narrowly leads Hillary Clinton by 4 lies.
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@Super_Cynthia: I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
@SteveAmiri: July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them.
@juliussharpe: When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people.
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white