@KentWGraham: Latest election news: Donald Trump narrowly leads Hillary Clinton by 4 lies.
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@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.
@WheelTod: My boss has a rather shrill phone voice. I once spent 20m talking to him, before realizing it was actually someone trying to send us a fax.
@DanMentos: "Rolls Royce" is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef
@Ndeshi_M: Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way! Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear her broomstick!