@KentWGraham: Latest election news: Donald Trump narrowly leads Hillary Clinton by 4 lies.
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@markleggett: The year is 2027 AD. I take a drag from my vitamin cigarette and transfer 17 Bitcoins to a 3D-printed babe-bot for a cyber HJ. Life is good.
@VerifiedDrunk: Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don't think I'm hungry for lunch anymore. .
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: These heels are killing my feet but they're so cute. Me: These ugly Sketchers I'm wearing have insides made out of memory foam.