@StellaRtwot: Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
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@batkaren: "Mom, I'm an adult. There's nothing left for you to show me." (*folds a fitted sheet*) "TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD"
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra
@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
@Kelly_skeleton: Asked my daughter to get me a glass of water & she brought me a glass of wine....she's either Jesus or I gotta remember the lies I tell her